


Crazier

by New_Blue_Stuff



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:26:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Blue_Stuff/pseuds/New_Blue_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sophie is in love with a mystery man, and Chris is in love with her. </p><p>Chris meets Pj, the most interesting bartender he's ever come across, and Sophie requests that Chris meet her friend. Things, as always, go wrong from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazier

She doesn't love him the way he loves her, and he doesn't blame her.

Chris takes another swig of his drink, and another, and another. He's sick of this. He hears her smile, sees her curly hair. Her giggle. 

_'I should introduce you to my friend. You’d love him, I do.’_

With those words, she crushed Chris. Completely unintentionally. When it comes to love, Chris finds it's better if it's unintentional. He fell in love with Sophie unintentionally too after all.

The fuzziness in Chris numbs everything. He wants to fall asleep. He wants to forget it all. It’s only love.

'How’s it going there?'

Chris looks up from his slouched position into eyes so bright, they could be pear cider.

Chris raises an eyebrow. 'Do I look A-fucking-okay to you?' He reads the nametag of the barman. Initials? Really?

Pj raises his hands in surrender. 'Don't abuse barstaff. It's not very jazzin' of you.' Pj rests his arms on the bar, paying attention to Chris and only Chris.

Chris laughs. 'Jazzing?' He questions. 

Pj smiles. 'Jazzin', it's when you're having lots of super cool fun, and nobody is on your case. I was jazzin' but suddenly-' Pj pointedly looks at Chris. '-I noticed someone in my clan is sad. I can't let that happen. Can I?' Pj's eyes are wide. He's inviting Chris to talk.

Chris wants to talk. He wants to flirt. He wants to play along with this guy's games.

But sometimes, you can't.

'You have to tonight-' Chris double checks. 'Pj.'

Pj frowns. He leans back until he's standing. The bar is quiet. There's one other man working, Pj checks on his friend, and co-worker, Louis, and returns to look at his sufferer. 

'Doesn't explain what's wrong, partner.' Pj points out. He's seen this kind of drinker before, if you let them talk, they feel better. They make for great writing inspiration.

Chris stares up at Pj, before swigging his drink. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

'It's the same cliche dribble as always.' Chris says.

Pj laughs. Chris appreciates it. He's got the 'throw head back and let it escape laughter'. The drink on the bar is left untouched for a few moments.

'Really?' Pj asks, looking back at Chris. Chris almost feels like he seems disappointed. 'Is it a special someone?'

Chris squeezes his glass far too tight. It could shatter, he wishes it would shatter. He's so full of this feeling, he can barely escape it.

Chris swallows. 'It could be. Love's a myth anyway. It's all just convenience and chemistry and hormones and sex.' Chris spits the words. 'It all fucking sucks.'

Pj keeps smiling throughout. Oh, he's heard this a dozen times. He's felt this a dozen times.

'We've all had that phase. Love is strange, but it is love, so it is necessary.' Pj states. He wishes he could listen to his own advice.

Chris raises both eyebrows, drinks, puts the glass down and continues.

'Love isn't necessary. It's pain.' Chris sighs. 'Not everybody feels it, so why do I feel like this?'

Pj shrugs. He tries to think about how he'd write this down. He nods to himself.

'When you do feel love, it's inescapable.'

Chris laughs. 'Well, I can't face it.’ Chris’s smile melts away. ‘They don't love me and I can't lose them.' Chris's voice cracks towards the end of his sentence.

Pj watches him and frowns. The glass is mostly empty of alcohol. 

'I didn’t mean that you have to face it.' Pj admits.

Chris bites back a snarky remark. This bar is quiet, and feels quieter. His mood has lifted up, he’s actually laughed in the last few minutes.

He wants to forget Sophie for one night, and indulge in hot barman.  

‘What’s your favourite film?’ Chris asks. 

Pj raises an eyebrow, and then smiles. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj and Chris spend the night talking. Pj whispering mildly encouraging things to Chris, and Chris deflecting them.

‘So who is this person you love so much?’ Pj asks. 

Chris’s heart stops. He sighs, looking away from Pj. His shoulder’s hunch over. 

‘A girl. A good friend of mine. I met her through my job. She’s... stunning.’ Chris’s voice softens. Pj finds it charming that he cares. He guesses he can relate.

‘Beautiful girl? You’re that ordinary?’ Pj jokes. Chris snorts. 

‘At least it’s not a beautiful guy this time. That’s always awkward to talk to strangers about.’ 

Pj laughs. ‘I relate. Beautiful people are where it’s at.’

They’ve been talking for hours. It’s only a weekday. The bar is practically empty.

‘You should know.’ Chris comments. Pj frowns. 

‘Why?’ 

‘You are a beautiful person.’ Chris drinks after his sentence. Pj laughs, and then splutters. 

‘That’s an opinion!’ 

‘It’s the general consensus.’ Chris smirks. 

Pj’s eyes are wide. He puts his hand over his eyes, sighs, and then puts it back to resting on the bar. 

‘Of which focus group?’

Chris smiles, before going to sip his beer. ‘My personal one.’ 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The night is cold and dark. Chris is at the door.

Pj looks at him, he's slouched, curled in, and visibly tired. Pj grins at him, he wants him to be okay. This guy's situation is so similar to his own that it intrigues him. Then again, sad people always interest Pj.

'Come and see me again.' Pj instructs.

Chris smiles back. 'Sure Pj.'

'You said your name was Chris right?' Pj asks. Chris nods. 'Cya Chris.' 

'Bye Pj.'

The door slams. The ambient noises of the pub carry onto Pj's ears.

Pj watches Chris walk away, stop under a street light, look up and carry on walking. 

'Good night?' Louis asks from across the bar. Pj turns to him, walking to the glasses which be begins sorting.

'I had fun.' Pj answers. 'He was sweet, just a bit lost.' Pj smiles. 'I hope it works out for him. He was like head over heels for his friend, but he spent more of the time talking about movies.'

Louis shakes his head, laughing. 'Why do you care about all of the lost ones? We all care, but you care with a passion. An unusual passion.'

Pj frowns, eventually nodding. ' I suppose I see myself in them.'

Louis rolls his eyes. 'Pj Liguori, King Of The Lost Hearts.'

Pj tenses, and then guesses he could be called worse. It's not like it isn't true.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris's head pounds and pounds.

It takes him a while to realize that his phone is ringing. He looks at the screen and sees the name 'Sophie'. Slowly, he puts the phone down.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Pj is halfway through his game when Louis calls. He’s not been working at the bar very long, but him and Louis have a great connection. He’s starting to regard him as a close friend. 

Pj pauses it, and picks up the phone. 

‘Yellow?’ Pj greets. 

He can practically hear Louis’s eyeroll. ‘Blue. Do you want to go out tonight? I know you’re not working.’ 

Pj resumes the game, phone pressed to his ear by his shoulder, Pj nearly cries out as he gets shot. 

‘Sure.’ 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Pj's been at the bar for a half hour. Louis and Jamie are being hilarious, but are mostly paying attention to each other.

That's fine. This wasn't Pj's idea.

Pj's just been looking around the bar, when suddenly his eyes catch onto a familiar face.

Pj hadn’t expected this, but he’ll take it. Chris made him feel better last time he couldn’t stop thinking about her, hopefully he’ll do it again. 

Chris is slouched over a different bar, halfway through another drink. There is two empty glasses next to him. 

Only a day later? This guy’s got it really bad or he’s got a problem.

‘Did you know that apparently Sophie’s met someone?’ Jamie asks Louis. 

 _Pang_. 

Pj gets so used to the pain, he forgets it hurts so much.

‘Really?’ Louis sounds shocked. ‘I thought-’

‘-I’ll be back in a bit guys.’ 

Pj’s entire chest aches. He stands up, not completely aware of himself, and he walks to the bar. 

He spots Chris again. 

_Why not?_

Pj walks around him, sitting on the stool next to Chris. He waits and looks at him. 

Chris never looks back, looking straight ahead.

‘Hey.’ Pj waves. 

Chris slowly turns to look, his eyes widen.

‘Pj?’ 

‘Keen to see me.’ Pj smiles, it doesn’t spread to his eyes. 

All of what he feels for Sophie has only ever hurt him. He met her at uni, what he felt grew slowly, too slowly. But they’re too close now. Too close to risk telling her. 

‘Seems like it.’

Pj doesn’t hear what Chris orders the both of them, but it sounds strong. 

Strong is what Pj needs right now. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They spend the night drinking together. More and more touching.

‘I wish I could just be in love with someone else.’ Chris whispers. 'It'd be so much easier to forget her.'

Pj’s heart is on fire. ‘Me too’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He pushes Chris back onto the bed. 

_I’m not prepared to watch her love someone else._

Pj starts kissing up his neck. 

_I can’t._

Chris groans. Pj’s both sad and relieved that he took home a guy, there’s no chance of him fantasizing about her tonight.

Pj vows in his head to be silent throughout her love affair. He needs to let her be happy

Chris starts pulling at Pj’s shirt. They’re both drunk. They’re not doing this for the right reasons. 

Pj can’t find the motivation to stop. 

The room is dark and messy. It’s Chris’s. Chris lived closer to the bar. 

Pj wonders about the person Chris loves as he takes off his own shirt. 

Is there any chance whoever Chris loves him back? Is Pj ruining this? 

Chris kisses Pj so hard that he can feel it in his lungs. 

It’s already ruined. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris’s head doesn’t even hurt. He’s meeting up with Sophie today, and he fucked someone else last night. 

She’s not out of his system. Chris could scream, of course she isn’t.

Pj is still asleep next to Chris. The air unnaturally warm, sunlight blows through the curtains. 

Chris shuts his eyes again. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj feels the fog in front of him. He remembers telling Jamie and Louis he was going home with...Chris.

Pj opens his eyes, and looks over the person next to him. Chris is laying on his back, Pj on his side. 

He looks at Chris’s slightly open mouth. Pj’s only known it for two nights, one night personally. It’s pretty. Chris’s torso is bare and delicate. It was a great cause of enjoyment last night, it’s still nice now.

He can’t claim to know Chris personally,  but he likes what he sees. In a different world, Pj reckons they could have been something real.

‘You just gunna stare?’ Chris asks. His voice is raw and cutting. The silence and quiet of the room is destroyed. 

Pj swallows and sighs. ‘No.’ 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj is fully clothed, he grabs everything he came with. Chris is still on the bed. The room still feels too warm, almost sticky. 

Pj walks. Hand on the door handle, he stops. 

‘Um...’ Chris opens his eyes, as if to listen. Pj doesn’t look at him. ‘You know where to find me if you need me.’ 

Chris smiles, nearly. ‘I do.’

Pj nods, pulls the door handle, and walks out. 

Chris goes back to sleep. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris’s stomach drops the way it always does when he picks up the phone when Sophie calls. 

‘Hi?’ Chris calls out. 

Sophie shouts his name, and then delves into a story about how her day’s gone. She adds in details to make him laugh, and make him angry. She asks him questions, and he lies. The room is cooling down. Chris hates this.

When she hangs up, Chris knows that he could sleep with Pj a thousand times and not stop loving her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie is inches away from him. Pj aches everywhere, but it's okay. He's ached for a long time. It's not her fault.

Pj's living room is messy. Rain can be heard and seen through the one set of windows. The walls are an off-shade of cream. She helped him paint when he first got this place. She'd smiled so widely when he'd drawn a massive smiley face on the wall, that he fell a little bit more in love with her.

Ache.

The movie is good. Pj knows it's good, he's been forcing himself to only watch it.

If she wants someone else, then I need to too.

A little part of him hopes Chris comes back to the pub. He can try to get her out of his system that way, even if he thinks he's disgusting for it. If Chris's thing doesn't work out, that is.

Sophie stares at him, eyebrows creasing in confusion.

_What is he thinking about?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

'I met this guy-' Pj's heart rises to his throat. '-I want both of you to meet.'

Pj snorts.

Play it off. Play it off.

'Try to get the parents approval?' Pj jokes.

Sophie rolls her eyes. 'He's nice-'

Pj laughs. '-Wait, are you trying to set me up with him?'

Sophie chuckles. 'No. I just think you'll get along. I want you to be friends. Are you free next weekend?'

Spend time with this guy? The new guy?

_Be her friend._

Pj smiles. 'Sure.'

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie organizes Pj's meeting with the 'other guy'. This feels like a blind date, but with more hatred.

Five days.

Five days left until he meets him.

Pj guesses that he's excited for her. She's going to fall so hard in love that she can barely breath. This guy will treat her like sunshine. Pj chuckles, he hopes they know how much of a storm she is.

Pj doesn't know when he starts to cry, but he does.

Five days.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It's tomorrow.

Chris's heart wants to jump out of his chest. Sophie's going to be there, he'll see her.

Whoever this guy is will be there.

Chris's chest fills up with all of his bad feelings. Everything that could happen to tomorrow. He knows next to nothing about this person. What if when they meet, Sophie slinks her arm around the other guy and kisses him? What if this isn't a friend? What if? 

Chris closes his eyes. He can't deal with this. He's never fallen so hard for anybody. It's always been flings for people that have fallen into nothing, because Chris can't sustain it. A wild heart.

Chris can't even sustain himself. He has nobody he can talk to about this. All of his friends are from work, and they all know Sophie.

Where can he go?

He's out of the door. His lonely apartment starting to kill him. The street is wet, the sky is dark, feet walk with almost no command.

Soon, Chris is stood outside of a familiar bar, with an even more familiar figure stood watching the door.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Pj can't quite believe his eyes. He'd been trying to think up excuses for ducking out of this thing tomorrow, he'd stopped paying attention.

Now, Chris is walking in.

Chris meets his eyes, and Pj is startled by how pink the reds of them are.

_Is he high?_

As he gets closer, Pj sees that his eyes are wet. He's not high, he's either been crying or is trying not to. Oh boy.

A forced smile, Pj doesn't bother to return it. Chris walks, without a word, to the bar.

'Surprise.' Chris greets, cutting through Pj's silence.

Pj laughs, unexpectedly. 

'Yeah, it kinda is one.' Pj comments, questions enter his voice. Why are you here? Why today?

Chris shrugs. ‘I needed a distraction.’ 

Pj smiles. The bar is seemingly always quiet. 

Chris licks his lips. Watching them, Pj feels a change. He’s familiar with attraction. 

‘From what?’ 

Chris’s sideways smile lifts Pj up a bit. The room feels lighter, the world feels lighter. 

‘Everything.’ 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj hates himself for this.

He hates that Chris waited until after he'd locked up and his shift was over. He hates that Chris is funny and charming. He hates that Chris is this good of a distraction. He hates that Chris isn't okay, yet Pj is still doing this again.

He hates that Chris's kiss is the best feeling he's experienced in years.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He doesn't feel as guilty as he thought he would the next morning.

The sunlight pours in, his head is too clear to blame this on another drunken fumble.

Pj's stood up, pulling on his jeans. His face is pale white.

'Where are you going?' Chris asks. Pushing down bedsheets, he leans up.

'Need to meet my friend.' The emphasis on the last word makes Chris smile. Same situation, different people.

'Same, actually.' Chris leans across his bed. Pj admires his chest. After checking the time, Chris groans. 'I have to get out of bed...'

Pj laughs, picking his shirt off the ground.

'I have faith in you.'

Chris snorts. 'That doesn't mean I do.'

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris offers Pj breakfast, which he declines.

'I really have to go.'

They walk into the kitchen, Chris's feet bare, Pj's wearing his shoes. Ready to go, ready to run.

'Okay. I'll see you soon.'

Pj smiles. The definite makes him smile.

_Why?_

'Will you?'

Chris giggles. 'After the day I'm about to have, I could probably use you.'

Pj laughs too, too much for a friendly joke between two kinda fuck buddies.

_A crush?_

The thought confuses Pj. So much time has been spent being hung up on Sophie.

Sophie. That's an old familiar feeling in his chest, so much ache.

'Are you going?' Chris asks.

Pj stares at him, and blinks.

'Yes. See me again.' He orders.

'I promise.' Chris confirms. Chris's smile grows, Pj's the best thing about his life at the moment, or at least the least mixed feelings.

Pj nods. His feet want to immediately leave. but he risks a kiss on the cheek before he walks.

Chris holds the warm spot of skin, and grins, regardless of the fear in him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie texts Pj first, she wants to meet in a couple of hours. Just enough time for Pj to have a shower, if he's quick.

Apparently, she's going to meet the other guy at his apartment, and then they're going to meet for coffee.

The thought makes Pj want to not go. It makes him just want to go lay in his bed for a couple hours, or run back to Chris for some more distractions.

But one of the worst parts about this is that Pj doesn't know the guy. He's funny, and she met him at work. He doesn't even have a name.

Going might help cure what he feels for Sophie? It might?

Maybe, he can fall out of love for her, and in love with Chris?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The smile that graces her lips is intoxicating.

As intoxicating as Pj's laugh for sure.

Chris is a mix of feelings, but it's mostly good.

And that's completely irregular.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

'Pj!'

Sophie jumps at him, dragging him into an embrace.

'Hey Soph.'

Sophie breathes in the way he smells, and is speechless for a split second. She gets so absorbed in it sometimes.

The coffee shop is painted in warm shades of brown. It's the right kind of busy. There's clinking sounds of machines working, and gentle conversation flowing like compositions.

Sophie pulls away. She tucks some wandering hair behind her ear. 

She grabs his hand, and the skin burns. It's almost perfect. Except, it never is. 'Come on, he's over here.' 

Pj manages to keep his smile in the same place it was. There's no fall.

If he can make her happy this way, then he has to make her happy this way.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie’s in trouble. She knows she is.

Chris and Pj together will either be a storm that destroys or makes her. 

But she can’t keep living like this. 

She never wants to let go of Pj’s hand. She never wants to let go of Chris’s when she has his. What a mess. 

It’s days like this where she wishes she could just be in love with one person. 

But she could never be so lucky. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Chris, this is-’ Chris looks up just in time for his eyes to widen. ‘-Pj.’

Sophie’s heart is racing, her palms sweaty. Pj’s mouth falls slightly open with shock. 

_Wait, that means..._

_Oh no._

Pj swallows. He extends a palm, and holds back tears.

‘Hello Chris.’ Pj forces joy into his voice. 

Chris’s throat is dry. The person Sophie loves is Pj? Perfect. Chris gets to loose Sophie and Pj at the same time? Even if he never really had Pj to begin with.

_This is going to be so painful to watch._

‘Hi.’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He watches Pj like a hawk, mostly unintentionally.

_Why did he pretend not to know me?_

Sophie's chattering away next to Chris. Hands in full action to gesture along with her words.

Chris normally would be staring at her. The way that she moves, talks and breaths usually enchants him. However, Pj is grabbing his focus today.

Pj's heart is racing itself. He's sweating lightly. The stare is sinking into him, he feels completely see through.

Finally, Pj looks over at Chris. Their eyes lock. A thousand questions.

Is this her? Do you love her too?

Pj's mouth falls slightly open. Chris forces a smile. Pj ends up returning it.

Oddly enough, Pj isn't even jealous anymore. He guesses he can trust Chris.

This does mean he's going to have to stop sleeping with him.

Sophie carries on talking to herself. Her palms clammy, her heart jumping.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

'What have you been up to Soph?' Pj asks her. She's already answered a similar question, for ten minutes. She's talking today.

She smiles. 'Work, mostly.'

Chris scoffs. 'You call that work?'

She rolls her eyes. 'Calm down Mr Diva.'

Faking scandal, Chris puts a hand over his heart. 'I am not a drama queen.'

Sophie grins at him.

'You're the drama king.' She confesses.

Chris nods. 'That's better.'

Pj laughs. Sophie glares at him out of the corner of her eye. He addresses Chris.

'So you met Soph through work?' Pj asks, trying to hide his curiosity.

'I'm an actor.' Chris admits.

'A fucking good one.' Sophie adds. She looks only at Pj. 'He's a pretty happy guy most of the time though.'

Pj chuckles to himself. 'Is he?'

Chris chuckles too. 'Sometimes.' He catches Pj's eye. 'Depends on who I'm with.' He says in a softer tone.

Pj sees his meaning. He's acknowledging it. Pj nods.

'I think that's also true for me.'

Chris cracks a joke which has Pj laughing. Sophie smiles between her two best men, and there's a twist in her heart.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The coffee shop is going to close soon. Reluctantly, the three of them decide to make a move.

Pj is going to leave as alone as when he arrived, with a different form of confusion infested in his mind.

Sophie wraps her arms around him. Tightly. Pj still feels all the good things, the affection, the safety.

The look on Chris's face now Sophie isn't watching him is more painful than needles. As she turns around, that smile returns.

_Fake. So so fake._

'Bye Peej!'

Pj ignores it. He'll figure it out later. 

'You should come into my pub sometime Soph-' Or maybe he won't figure it out later. He gets Chris's eye. 'I'm working tomorrow night.'

Chris nods twice solemnly. Expecting it.

'Goodbye Pj.'

And after Sophie repeats Chris's words, Pj leaves.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie kisses Chris on the cheek before she leaves his apartment.

She doesn't know why she did. The second she did, she felt a rush which was followed by the weight of eternal dread.

_Not fair on Pj. You love Pj too. Don't do this to yourself Sophie._

She is nearly sprinting down the stairs.

_If you can't just love one, you need to love neither._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sleeping is painful and confusing, being awake even more so. Eventually, night arrives again.

It’s quiet. Always quiet, unless there’s a football match, or some sort of celebration. A wedding. A funeral. A stag night.

Pj isn’t even startled when Chris walks in. He’d been waiting, watching and craving. 

Chris nods. He swallows and approaches. 

Sitting on a bar stool, he speaks. 

‘Give me what’s on tap.’

Pj nods, and does as he’s told.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They exist in silence for a little while. Chris drinks. Pj watches, leaning onto the bar. 

Chris puts down his drink, and folds his arms. He looks Pj in the eye, and Pj knows it’s time. 

‘Sophie?’ Chris asks. Everything in his voice gives it away.

Pj could cry. He’s so twisted up. 

‘Yeah. Sophie.’ 

Chris exhales, smiling. ‘Why? For you, that is...’

Pj shrugs. ‘Just one of those things.’ He smiles too. ‘She’s kind of great.’

Chris laughs. ‘Very kind.’

‘So understanding’

‘So so funny.’ Chris adds. They both grin.

Chris shakes his head at Pj. ‘She’s perfect for you.’

Pj scoffs, laughing in shock. ‘Me? She loves you, you stupid monkey.’ 

Chris throws his head back and giggles. ‘I’ve seen her look at you. It’s you she wants.’ 

Pj shakes his head softly and slowly. ‘She wouldn’t ever like me. Super wouldn’t. You get to make her happy.’ 

Chris grimaces. ‘Either way. I’m not very happy about it.’ 

Pj frowns. ‘Why exactly?’

Chris drinks. ‘It’s the end of whatever we were, isn’t it? You get to go and love her, and I get to watch you both be in love.’ Chris laughs, it’s bitter. ‘And I was just starting to think maybe that I could want you instead. I could love you-’

‘-I thought the exact same thing.’

Chris and Pj look at each other. Chris laughs, harder than before, harsher than before.

‘We’re such idiots. Thinking that.’

Pj knows many things he is, but an idiot for thinking that? He doesn’t think so. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris ends up drinking the night away. They don’t talk about her, about them, about anything. They pretend everything is okay. Pj learns that Chris is a damn good actor, especially off of the stage. 

When Chris is struggling to put one foot in front of the other, Pj offers to walk him home. 

When they reach Chris’s flat, Pj discovers that Chris keeps his spare key under a plant pot. A plant pot, how ridiculous?

It makes Pj just like him more. 

And when Chris grabs his hand as Pj tries to turn away and he asks Pj to stay, Pj does.  

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chris wakes up with a killing headache and warm arms around him. He’s fully clothed. Opening his eyes, he looks around at Pj’s face. 

Chris curses himself, but doesn’t move.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Good morning.’ Chris greets him when Pj starts to open his eyes. 

Pj remembers everything at once. It’s like his mind jolts him with pain. 

Sophie. Sophie. Chris. Sophie. _Chris._ Sophie.

His mind is so full of everything for these two people. There’s a crush acting at the same time as, whatever he feels for Sophie. His life would be perfect if Sophie was in his arms too. 

‘Good morning.’  

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They eat breakfast in relative silence, eventually Chris puts down his spoon. 

‘You know, we’re not even facebook friends.’ 

Pj laughs so hard he chokes. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie tries not to think about it. She tries not to let it affect her. Does this make her happy? Sad? Both?

She guesses this is what she gets for checking social media. They’re fucking facebook friends, they took time out of their lives to look each other up. 

This isn’t happiness. This is hope for a dream that Sophie has never even talked about.

Hope is a hard bitch to conquer, it’s best not to try.

Biting her lip, Sophie sets up a group chat and asks them both to meet up again next weekend. 

After a few minutes, they’ve both agreed. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj sighs. He's been selfish. So selfish. Chris belongs to Sophie, Sophie belongs to Chris. Pj's seen the way they look at each other, the way she talks about him.

Pj can be selfish, cruel and mean. 

He could never hurt Sophie. 

‘You know...’ Pj starts. He’s been getting his stuff together, planning on leaving Chris’s flat in a few moments. ‘If we’re both not going to tell Sophie about any of this stuff...’

Chris had been expecting this, but it still stings. ‘This stuff needs to stop?’

Pj solemnly nods. Hands pulled into fists, head ducked. ‘Yeah.’ He chokes out

Chris bites his lip. ‘Okay.’ 

Pj’s got everything. He nods at Chris. ‘I’ll see you soon?’ 

Chris forces a smile. ‘Definitely.’ . 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj finds himself aching for the weekend. Every time he thinks about it, he swims in excitement, and a fair amount of dread. 

When he works, he watches the door, hoping Chris will enter. As he reads Sophie’s texts, he smiles. When Sophie tells Pj a joke Chris told her at work, he laughs so hard he nearly falls over.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He's meeting them today. Today. Today. Today. Chris and Sophie.

Pj is screwed. Completely.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It's almost too easy. Pj's heart does what it normally does when it sees Sophie. It stops.

His palms are sweaty. Smile glued on. 

Oddly enough, whilst always happy to see Sophie. He wants to see Chris too. He loves Sophie. It's easy to say he loves Sophie, to anyone but her. Chris is a different story, that he can't read.

'Hey.'

His voice is low, but not lacking energy. Pj smiles at Chris whilst Sophie jumps up to hug him. Pj keeps his hands around his coffee, the cafe is quiet.

'Hello.' Pj greets. Chris raises an eyebrow at him.

Sophie looks between the both of them. Hope blossoms in her, she tries to kill it, but she can't.

She grabs Chris's hand, and pulls him down onto the seat next to her.

Neither of them let go of eachother. Friendly? Right?

Chris's hand is clammy, but so's Sophie. Chris's heart beats hard.

_I love her. I love her. I love her._

He catches Pj's eye. Pj smiles at him, a peace offering. Chris's heart beats even harder. He bites his lip.

_Help._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

'Do you want to go to the movies?' Sophie suggests. Pj nods. Chris groans. She rolls her eyes. 'What?'

'The movies? I can't talk in the movies.'

Sophie laughs. 'I've been to the cinema with you. You talk anyway.'

Pj chuckles. 'Are you one of those people?'

Chris smirks. 'I need to show my opinions.'

Sophie puts a hand on her face, covering up some of her smile. 'What would you suggest we do?'

'We could go to the park.'Chris states, grinning. 

_'We could go to the park.'_ Sophie mimics. Chris shoos her away.

Pj shrugs. 'I'm okay with the park. We could feed ducks?' Chris sticks his tongue out at Sophie. Sophie does the same back. Pj can't believe that he feels like this for two morons. 'Charming.'

Chris winks at him. 'It's my job.'

Sophie sighs. She stands up. 'Lets go to the park then.'

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sophie walks with a hand leading Pj and a hand leading Chris.

_Dangerous. Blissful._

Pj laughs at Chris. Chris makes the jokes he always makes.

Sophie could close her eyes and pretend that the men she loves could be open to all she wants.

All she wants is both of them, and understanding.

_Dangerous._

Pj squeezes her hand tightly. Chris swings her hand as they walk.

_Blissful._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

'Come here you little fucker!'

Sophie gasps. 'Chris! There's children around.'

Chris sighs and whispers. 'Sorry.' Pj watches as Chris throws more duck food at the bird, knelt next to the pound. Chris whispers again. 'Come here you little shit!'

Sophie laughs this time, looking at Pj whilst she does. The bird approaches and feasts.

Pj looks at it with his head cocked to the side.

'What should we call it?'

'Gerald.' Chris adds.

'Oliver.' Sophie suggests. 'Maybe Peter.'

'Enrique. Kev.'

Pj giggles. 'The Kraken.'

Sophie laughs. She walks up behind Pj, and places her hands over his eyes. Pj bats them away. Chris stands up.

'We'll go with the Kraken.'

Chris shrugs, and pours the rest of the duck feed to his side. The Kraken quacks.

Pj frowns. 'Why'd you do that?'

Chris shrugs again. 'Laughs.'

'I guess that's something to call it.' Sophie comments.

'I'm funny.' Chris whines. Sophie walks to him, and interlocks their arms. Chris’s smile enchants Pj. 

'You're superly something.' Pj adds, almost breathless. Chris gives him a look.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The afternoon is glorious and beautiful. Sun drips through the leaves and lands on their skin. Freckles pop onto Sophie. Chris sits with no shelter, egging the sun on to do its worse. And Pj laughs. The laughter is constant and shining. Sophie and Chris bounce off each other. The heat. The sun. The touching. 

Pj’s had to hold back from the way his lips ache. He doesn’t know who he wants to kiss. He knows Chris’s mouth, how he tastes. But not Sophie. 

The evening turns colder. Pj isn’t the one to suggest moving. 

‘Do you guys want to head back to my place? We could grab some food first, have a good time?’

‘You trying to get into my pants Soph?’ Chris starts. Sophie turns and winks in response. 

‘Get you into mine actually.’ Sophie retorts. 

‘Leaving me out of the action?’ Pj adds.  Chris shoots him a look. 

‘Yeah. You’ve got cooties.’ Sophie responds. 

Pj smiles at her, and then at Chris. ‘I got them off him.’

Sophie frowns. ‘How?’

Chris grins. ‘Yeah, how?’

Pj hates that he’s dug himself into a trap.

‘Leave me alone.’ Pj deflects. 

As they walk out the park, the moment is forgotten. For everyone but Pj, they’re in the moment. 

Pj is watching Chris, and remembering every way that he’s seen him. He’d been able to block it all out. It’s rushing back. 

Every second of it. 

He sees Chris’s muscles flex as Chris reaches out to pick up Sophie. The heat intensifies. Pj watches Chris’s neck as Chris throws back his head to laugh. Sophie’s smaller hands are on Chris’s neck. Pj looks at her. 

When did everything get this hot? Pj’s cheeks are burning. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘So we’ll go get food-’

‘-After I have a shower.’ Sophie pushes Chris. ‘Thanks to you for getting grass in my hair.’ 

‘It’s not personal.’ Chris jokes. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They don’t say anything to each other until they hear the water come on. Pj can’t help but imagine how Sophie looks right now. He’s so fucked. This heat hasn’t gone away yet. He can’t help but remember the taste of Chris’s mouth, and imagine the taste of Sophie’s.

Chris is sat on the same sofa as him, so very very close to him.

‘You okay?’ Chris asks. 

Pj swallows, startled. ‘Huh?’

Chris frowns. ‘You’ve been off since we left the park.’ He looks at the door and whispers. ‘I just thought I’d ask...’

Pj rubs a hand over his chin. 

Hot. Hot. When did everything get so hot? It’s like the world is screaming at him. 

_Don't. You. Dare._

‘It’s been a nice day.’ Pj’s voice is shrill, clasping at straws. ‘Hasn’t it?’

Chris frowns, eyebrows furrowing. ‘Well, yeah. I felt awkward to begin with because of... you know. But you acted fine, so I was fine.’ Chris reaches out to touch his arm. Burning. Red. Hot. ‘But then you weren’t fine. Are you okay?’ Chris’s eyes grab his attention. They look into each other. ‘Are you alright?’ 

Pj whispers, after a light sigh.‘No.’ Chris nods him on. ‘I thought I would be fine with stopping whatever we are, because I am super in love with Sophie. And she loves, you, and I can't hurt her.‘ It’s a fact, a glorious fact. 

Chris pulls away slightly. ‘Okay-’

‘-But I’m not okay with it.’ Pj breathes the words out. Chris’s heart jumps. Why does it jump? 'Because I do love her.’ Pj raises a hand up to Chris’s jaw. All of the heat in the world is in his fingers. ‘But you, are something else.’

The water turns off. Both of them are too busy listening to their own heartbeats. 

Chris’s mind is so filled with so many things. Dread. Hope. Love. Ache. Heartbreak. 

‘What am I?’ Chris begs. 

Pj shakes his head softly. Eye contact is unbroken. 

‘I don’t know. You’re new. Exciting. Super exciting.’ Pj smiles. ‘That’s amazing. I haven’t been this eager to... know someone? In years.’ Pj stops whispering, he pulls himself closer to Chris. ‘And I want you, holy monkey do I want you.’

Chris’s mouth is dry. ‘But you love her.’ 

Silence.

Pj can’t help himself. 

‘So do you-’ He looks at Chris’s eyes. ‘-But you’ve not pulled away yet.’ Pj’s hand is still on Chris’s jaw. 

So close to each other. Practically breathing each other’s air. 

Pj prays for it. All he wants is those words. He aches those words, craves those words, needs those words. 

Chris releases them. ‘Because I want you too.’

Pj looks into Chris eyes as he smiles. They’re the same. Neither of them can resist this. What she doesn't know, for now, doesn't hurt her.

Pj is, and always has been, good at giving into temptation. He pulls Chris to him, he tilts his head. Their mouth’s touch, and Pj is on fire. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Pj's hands are under Chris's shirt. Chris is in Pj's lap. Pj is overwhelmed with smell, and feelings, and everything. The world is practically the sun. 

They hear a soft gasp from the door, and break away. 

Sophie's eyes are wide, her lips parting, breathing heavy. 

_Shit._

Pj gets his words first.

'Soph, I'm-'

'-How did _that_ happen?' Sophie exhales. Pj looks at Chris for a split second, coming away from his lap and onto the couch. There's no anger in her voice, only shock.

Pj bites his lip.

'We met before you introduced us. We-We-'

Chris jumps in. 'We hooked up a few times, and then stopped. We're sorry.' 

Sophie's whole body is sensitive and her brain whizzing. They couldn't? Is it possible?

'Why didn't you tell me?' Sophie demands. Everything could have been easier. 

Pj and Chris exchange a look, and then look back at her like scolded children. 'We didn't want to hurt you.' 

Sophie's been in so much pain. She still is.  'Are you both together?' She asks. 

Pj nervously laughs. 'No.' He looks back at Chris. 'We're both head over heels for someone else.' 

Chris and Pj give each other a sad smile.

Sophie's heart beats with her breaths. Please. _Please._

'Who?' She begs. 

Chris puts his hand on Pj's back. He's not sure who to steady. 

'You.' Chris whispers. The other two people look at him, whilst he looks at the ground. 'I'm in love with you.'

Pj sighs. 'And I am too.' He smiles, almost feeling good at having confessed. He looks at Sophie. 'Ever since uni.' 

Sophie nearly gasps. She could cry. Could she have this?

'Then why were you kissing just now?' Sophie asks. There's still no sign of anger, no presence.

Pj's confidence has returned to him. 'Because even though I super feel for you.' Pj looks back at Chris. 'There's no denying that there's something here too.'

Chris smiles. He feels like a wreck. Sophie's heart beats faster with every word. 'The same.'

Pj puts his hand on Chris's thigh. He looks to Sophie. 'I'm so sorry.'

They wait for her anger, her betrayal, her confusion, anything but what they get. 

'Don't be.' She whispers, smile growing. 'Because I've got something even crazier to tell you both.' 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next morning, Sophie wakes up to the smell of rain. The smell of sex floods the room. Her hand is resting on Chris’s torso. She looks up at him, and he smiles down. 

‘Morning Pet.’ 

Sophie rolls her eyes, she reaches up and tugs at some of his chest hair. He bats her hand away. She can feel Pj behind her, see his arm wrapped around her. Chris is laying on his back and Sophie on her side, Pj is spooning her. 

This is exactly how she imagined it. 

‘Is he asleep?’ She asks. 

‘Peej? Yeah.’ Chris looks over at Pj’s resting face. ‘Poor boy tired himself out.’

Sophie snorts, she pulls herself up so she can rest her head on Chris’s stomach. He absentmindedly plays with her hair.

Pj’s eyes flicker open. Chris sees his grip tighten around Sophie, almost a reflex. Chris smiles. 

‘You can still sleep if you want Peej.’ Chris greets him. Pj looks at him, almost offended. His voice is raw from sleep. 

‘I’m planning on it.’ He shuts his eyes again. Chris laughs. 

Sophie shakes her head, grinning. Her boys. Hers. 

‘When we get up, I’m going to make a suggestion about something the three of us do. About making this more permanent.’ Sophie says. 

Pj opens his eyes, and looks at Chris. Chris looks back. 

Pj smiles. ‘We’ll listen.’ 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Julia for encouraging me to actually continue this! Please leave a comment if you liked it xx


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